Shepherd's Pie Anyone?

Here we sit at Sodium Manor, with a light drizzle tapping against the windows, enjoying the warmth of our home on a quiet Sunday October morning. Jake's next to me here at the computer and Tammy's upstairs making a breakfast of eggs and hashbrowns. Sarah's at her friend Mariah's and all is well. It's going to be an all sports day today with the Vikings playing at noon, the Bears, ON TV baby, at 3, and then the Yanks and Angels tonight. Hence, the blog cometh early today. This is the season that I live for, Fall. Sweatshirt weather and lots of sports and the blessings of a roof over my head and a family to share it with. Let's not forget all the animals too... They are now for sale by the way. See Fido's List for details.

Speaking of animals, Jake got another fish to replace McNabb, the world's largest beta (seriously a big fish in a little pond. That sucker was HUGE) who passed away from old age a few months ago. Before you judge me as I swore off any new animals and have kept the hampster conversation at bay thus far, I washed my hands of the whole thing. It's his fish and his alone. His reward for surviving H1N1 I guess. There will be no tank cleaning or feeding from this chica. Well, I'll feed him if Jake is gone, but if the tank turns black from lack of attention it will not be my deal. (Uh, yeah, right. I'm so mean that way.) His new red beta has been named Yoshi after the Mario charcter who's butt I kicked over and over in Mario Kart, oh yeah! I have all gold's and one silver, but alas, I digress.

Yes, and speaking of animals part two, we are having shepherd's pie tonight and it will include Neka, the American shepherd as the main ingredient. Work that Iron Chef Mosimoto. I'm going to skin and cook her up along with Buck the golden, also known as "the doorknob". He was the one holding the door when God was passing out dog brains. Don't get me wrong he is a sweetie-pie (which will fit nicely in my shepherd's pie), but he is a dim bulb. He is also food obsessed. So much so that when I got home from work on Friday the first thing I noticed was Jake's fish food container lying open and empty in the hallway. Jake prefers to use the beta balls for his fish and as soon as I walked in Neka plopped herself down to guard the mess, licking the carpet to get the deep down balls of brown. Nice. So I gingerly advanced into Sarah's room like a big busted floozy in a horror film, and no surprise, could not find her yellow plastic container of fish flakes. I found one trace that it had been there at all. On the floor was a small chewed up piece of yellow plastic. Oh look, he left a crumb I thought. There was no container to be found. I even looked under the bed knowing it wouldn't be there but I did find a live cat napping, so that was a bonus. That is, until Jake found the evidence in our bedroom, a yellow chewed on tube lying amongst the now red stain of artifically colored fish food that they had licked into the beige carpet. Anyone want a 65 pound shepherd and 70 pound golden? We just had the carpet cleaned in August and now the bedroom looks like a murder scene from CSI. Billy Mays where are you? I need my OxyClean. Sans the coke please.

Last night we finally got our Serum's fix with Bruce and New Nancy and Dexter and "Bob". When you don't go to Serum's for awhile it is a treat, no trick. I love that place in all it's grimy goodness. Since Anoka IS the Halloween capital of the world (Google it if you don't believe me), Serum's is all decked out with spooky decorations and cobwebs, some of them are even fake unlike a normal day, and they put up all these old time photos that if you look at directly are like regular old brooch wearing ladies and collar stay sporting guys of olde, but from an angle are ghosts and skeletons and such. It's pretty cool. My wings were delicious and I brought home the leftovers to nosh on during all the sports today. Life is good. Tammy's still coughing though and has a sore throat, so her illness is not completely gone. That's a bummer, but she is still breathing so that's a good thing.

Guess that's about it. Oh, but if someone could explain to me cross multiplication of fractions in easy to interpret language so I can explain it to Jake, that would be helpful. Sufi? Heinsohn? Anyone? In the meantime, I have to go sharpen my utensils to begin my shepherd's pie. Neka? Buck? Come here please...

Love,
Diane

PS. Is Jake's costume from 2007 the coolest or what? Oh yeah.....

Cliches Cause My Nose to Wrinkle

Unfortunately for us, the "Takes One to Know One" virus did indeed turn into H1N1. Ugh, so cliche. For so long I have embraced the unique and in the end we get the massive fear mongered virus. Boo and hiss I say. How convenient though I had just received my new load of vacation from my work. It is added to my time bank every year at the end of September, my anniversary date for donning the golden handcuffs. Oh Andrea, the devil doesn't only wear Prada, sometimes the devil wears Wranglers and Red Wing boots, ah but that is a discussion for another day. In any case once Sarah was officially diagnosed (this conspiracy theorist IS still skeptical, just sayin...) last Monday morning I took vacation the rest of the week to prepare. Jake came home from school on Tuesday with a 102.5 and Wednesday Tammy went down with a 102 and a cough hoarse enough to make Brenda Vaccaro blush. Me? I had a bad cold this whole time but never did get the H1N1. Since I was the best of the worst I did my best to meet everybody's needs. It was tough and we were self quarantined. Luckily I always have my cataclysmic "just in case" beer supply on hand and Butterfingers. Everybody at one time or another was pretty much reduced to a puddle of goo and the weepys hit each at different times. Boy, did we watch a lot of movies too. That is not a complaint as I have always thought I should be paid to watch movies anyway and in a sense I was. Guess we joined Netflix at just the right time. What an unusual "vacation". Anne Frank and two whole families were in that small attic for two years and a month and we barely made it a week in a four bedroom house with a finished basement. I was about to call the SS myself, anonymously of course. Any bald spots you might notice are from pulling my hair out at various points but I have been told it will either grow back or you all can call me Bozo. The kids go back to school on Tuesday and all are back to healthy. What a weird weird week. One for the books. I was jonsin for some Serums wings by Wednesday and Dexter did offer to do a drive by and toss them in the driveway but I passed. We'll go this weekend.

Today was actually gorgeous outside and I just finished some grilling of T-Bones. We had T-Bones and steak fries tonight. My best grill of the season I think. Yes, I am tooting my own horn. It's taken me a couple full summers to master the art of charcoal grilling versus gas. Am OWN my Weber now. Carcinogens for everyone!!

Oops, I better go. BEARS ARE ON IN FIVE MINUTES!!!

Love,
Diane

Takes One to Know One

I moved to Minnesota in September of 2000. Since I have been up here we have had our share of cold snaps and spells, of below zeros and snow drifts aplenty. But never, in my 9 years of being embedded, have I seen this much snow accumulating this early in October. What a crazy year. The first week of July we had long johns on at softball games. I thought for sure summer would just come later but it appears I blinked and missed it. Last year at this time I was lying in bed bargaining with God regarding my pneumonia (God? Seriously. This is how I’m going down? Dude, come on. This? Bogus!) and as a result simply stopped smoking after 28 years (I wasn’t a heavy smoker so it wasn’t that big of a deal). This year I have the sniffles right now. No fever, no aches, just the sniffles and sneezes. Let’s keep it that way. Sarah went on a church youth retreat “up north” where two kids had to be picked up early due to illness and she arrived back at Sodium Manor last evening very ill. Symptoms indicate it could be H1N1 according to the doctor Tammy spoke with this morning. I’m going more for the TOKO strain of it, known as the “Takes One to Know One”, illness myself. So we’re keeping her home from school and will power wash Jake when he walks in the door tonight. I call it the Silkwood. Tammy’s bleaching all the doorknobs and handles and things. No fun that’s for sure. Sarah is a pet cuddler too so I better Silkwood the dogs and cats. Might as well do the fish while I’m at it, sorry Charlie. We don't want fish with good taste. We want fish that tastes good.

The bright side to all of this, yes, there is a bright side, is that it is chilly, wet, and cold outside and that means…MINNESOTA HOT DISH! WOO. You can say casserole all you want but it is hot dish up here and since I’m embedded like Donny Brasco, I say it now too. Tammy made this hamburger rice hot dish thing-a-ma-jig yesterday in the crock pot that is to die for. She’s doing a chicken thingee today since she is home with the germ monkey. And may I just mention how much I love that Tammy bakes? She is such a good baker, it’s like she went to military school at Pillsbury, was taught by General Mills, and roomed with her good friend Betty Crocker. I just finished my second oatmeal chocolate chip cookie. A couple weeks ago it was homemade banana bread. She says the secret to that one is using sour milk. I say, too much information, just slice it up please. If I want to get grossed out we can talk Lutefisk and Haggis, just don’t rain on my banana bread woman! Me? Oh I can cook too. I make a mighty mean meatloaf and I am a breakfast cooking Goddess, and as most of you know and have tasted, I AM the Grill Master (I’m waiting for Bobby Flay to throw me down, but for baking its Tammy Graham, no question)

The highlight of the weekend was that we finally joined Net Flix. Now Cathy has nothing to pester me about. Bwahahaha. Actually now I can sit and watch Joan Crawford in “Straight jacket” instantly. How cool is that? Jake’s already found the TV show place so has been watching Drake and Josh like a crazy man.

My Twins lost in three straight, sigh. Yanks took 'em down. Um, yeah, when you leave ducks on base every single inning to the total of 17 you aren't going to win. 17 men left Friday night. No team has left men on base in every single inning since 1912 and no, that's not a typo. 1912. Boo. Oh well, they tried. Bears were off this week. Vikes won. Big whoop. Their "real" schedule is about to start. You know the one where they actually play decent teams, not the soft underbelly of the NFL. (eyeroll - hee hee)

As for me this week, I'm going to drink plenty of fluids and get plenty of rest and stay away from Sarah's cooties. Poor kid. No school tomorrow either for her. Guess that's about it from here. Take care.

Love,
Diane

Crazy as a Soup Sandwich

Please take note of the wonderful sunset from the front window of Sodium Manor Sunday night. Sarah took this photograph with her phone. Yes, with her phone. Technology still never ceases to amaze me. When I was a kid the coolest thing ever was snapping a photo with a Polaroid, ripping it out of the side of the camera, wafting your arm pit with it while counting off the 30 seconds before peeling the back off. If you peeled too soon it was ruined. If you peeled too late it was ruined. Oh what a game it was. Now, you snap and download and viola. Yes, that is pretty cool too, but with no risk it lessens the drama. How many photos do I have with stripes down the middle and blurry faces resembling Sasquatch all because I just couldn’t wait the full 30 seconds? Kind of like now, when I testily drive five miles out of my way and take 15 extra minutes rather than sit in traffic for 8 watching the driver next to me pick his nose. Oh I’m a smart one I am. They’ll never call me green and I’m glad, so there. What’s so good about green anyway? Green with envy, green-eyed monsters, green in the gills, greenhorn. There is no good green. (Green M&Ms are just slutty) Ask Kermit. He knows it ain’t easy being green. He sings that damn song for goodness sakes and we all shake our heads and give a knowing aww. So that’s what I think about green. Personal responsibility for my space and planet? Absolutely. Color of the day, flavor of the month? Never. Bush senior once drilled it into me through the media that Mohmar Khadaffi was as crazy as a soup sandwich yet he’s still running Libya decades later? What the?? And Elian Gonzalez seems just fine in Cuba last I heard. Next week it will be a new color. Well, unless we all die from H1N1. All we must ask ourselves is: What would Woodsy do? Hoot Hoot.


Speaking of hoots, we had one Friday night at Mama G’s with Deana, Donna and Maureen. You know, just when you think you know your friends they’ll up and surprise you. I had no idea Deana is obsessed with the game show, The Price is Right. No, there are no typos in that statement. THE PRICE IS RIGHT! She tapes it daily. Seriously. She even tried out for the show when they held auditions at Mall Of America last year. I had no idea. What’s even more surprising is she didn’t make the cut. If you met Deana you would be shocked she didn’t make the cut. SHOCKED I say. If anyone is PIR material, she is. All that could have been missing in my opinion were the 48DDs bouncing around. Isn’t that what you always see when you tune in? Some extra large woman bustling down the aisle when Johnny Olson shouts for her to COME ON DOWN! Ba-da-boom ba-da-boom. I believe buxom is the word. Seems like it anyway. So anyway, she didn’t make it but that woman can cite you the cost of a jar of Gold Bond Medicated Cream and a Zippo twin pack without even blinking. So of course we were all doing the Price is Right Yodel music remembering that Swiss Alps mountain climber guy. Deana says now it’s all about the Plink-O. Whatever. Life just never ceases to amaze me. Ever. Deana, my wish for you is to make the next try out. We’ll come and support you and I’ll stuff your bra with melons if that’s what it takes. GO GIRL. What a night we had. Then there was the skinny meth-head fuzzy-faced pony tail guy trying to lure Maureen outside as he was weaving past us on his way outside to smoke, and wanted her to come sit on his lap and keep him warm. Yeah, now that’s a winning pick up line. The creep factor on that guy was a 10 (insert Price Is Right yodel music here).



The rest of the weekend was spent watching the Twins and Bears. Twins tied it all up!!!! One game playoff TODAY at 4pm CST against Detroit to determine the AL Central champs. How cool is that? They’ve won 16 out of their last 20. I think they will do it too. GO TWINS. And of course my Bears won. YES!!!!! Tonight is Vikings versus Packers. VIKES WON! What a great sports time it is in the Twin Cities.


Guess that’s it for this week. Until next time….. GO BEARS