Hey all. Whazzzup? Here is my...
INNOCUOUS ORTS OF SORTS: Some people search their whole lives to find a special purpose. Some do find one. Many others ultimately give up and settle into a routine of mundane predictability, or if you are King Henry II, married to Eleanor of Aquitaine, you may simply “blunder onto peace” while waiting for the King of France to grow up and fight or some such sort of thing. Me? I have blundered onto my own special purpose and I don’t mean like Steve Martin in his movie, “The Jerk”.
What is my special purpose, you may whisper aloud, eagerly inching forward in your chair, your nose mere inches from the screen? You’ll never guess it, especially not my own mother, since I showed no inclination toward any such talent as a child. It is…drum roll please… Official Toilet Paper Roll Changer of Sodium Manor. Ta-Dahhhhh! Yes, I have deduced my purpose with the sieve-like penetrating mind of a Sherlock Holmes, the seductive deductive reasoning of a Hercule Poirot, the, the, angelic visions of Bernadette. Too much? Ok, well, anyway, I AM the Roller Derby Queen. How else can one account for the fact that if I do not change the toilet paper roll on Sodium Manor, it will not get changed? I know it’s not rocket science, but I did just save a bunch of money on my car insurance. Are they related? Perhaps. All I know is I am the changer of the roll and I am the only one who is apparently able to touch the spare rolls from the hall closet. Or, if by some miracle, someone dons an Ove Glove and hot potatoes a roll onto the bathroom counter, well, making it on to the actual spindle is another epic tale indeed. It sits on the counter staring straight up like a Cyclops, never making the leap to the trapeze bar. I am fairly certain Tammy “could” do it, maybe, with some practice, but she does practically everything else in the house, so when would she ever have time to master an intricate process such as this? Time and time again I am struck dumb, staring at the holder, mesmerized into ogling the tiny cardboard chamber, hanging gloomily yet somehow taunting me, daring me to sit down anyway. It’s tiny bits of end roll scrap clinging to the tube like it cut itself shaving several times. At our house this is an almost daily occurrence, and yet am I the only one, through sheer timing and panache, who glimpses this intimate baring of the roll’s soul? It would seem so, since it is always I removing the spent tube and replacing it with a new double sized roll. Kind of like welcoming in Baby New Year at midnight; so long Father Time, Hello, Charmin. I now own my talent and brag of it often. It used to come out as a bellowed question to the sky, loud and exasperated, “Am I the only one who knows HOW to change the toilet paper rolls in this house?” To, “I AM the only one who knows how to change the toilet paper rolls in this house.” So there you go. I own it now, and may we never have a drip dry "incident" again.
Aside from the epiphany of yes, I am queen of the roll call, we finished up Jake’s birthday weekend Sunday. Saturday we were off to the Mall of America where other people change the rolls. He and two buddies played around at Nick Universe all day while we shopped for Sarah's confirmation dress. Found one. Yips.
This past Saturday we went down to Burnsville to see Cathy and Andrea and have dinner and play games. The dinner rocked! I even ate not only mine, but the rest of Tammy's asparagus. That chicken sauce is to faint over. Tammy made us all homemade chocolate brownies with walnuts, and they were frosted too. Score. Then it was a good old fashioned game of Monopoly, complete with old wooden houses and hotels and white one dollar bills. We had a blast. Tammy won, the land tycoon, but for the first time ever I actually had Boardwalk and Park Place and had a hotel on each. It was my eventual undoing of course, but still. I had Trump hair for the tiniest of bits.
In the meantime, I better get going to work today and then its Idol Tuesday. Enjoy your week everyone. I love you all!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Bald, Style or Guile?
Hi everybody! I am compelled to start this blog in the middle. So yesterday Tammy and I had Ken come over to do a little more electrical work before Nick starts putting the new ceiling up in the basement. As a thank you we took him to Serum's for wings where we hooked up with Nancy Dexter. I should have suspected the night would turn bizarre when Dexter's boyfriend Steve came along. It's not common. Let's put it this way, when I saw Steve walk in my first thought was, oh great, Steve poked his head up so there's going to be six more weeks of winter. He's usually a backgroundhog boyfriend, not a forefront. Anyway, during the course of the mega pans of wings we ingested we began to discuss a Spongebob episode, one where Spongebob is in the weeniehut talking to the nerds. The topic? Is bald a hairstyle? We had a blast discussing it. I mean, if someone purposely shaves their head is it a hairstyle? Do you need hair to have a hairstyle? What if you are genetically bald with no choice, is that no longer a style if in fact a shaved head is a style? I would be curious as to what you readers think. Is a bald head by choice a style? I say yes, but Ken says you have to have hair to have a style. The jury remains on the fence and my sides hurt from laughing.
After such witty reparte we all went over to Ken's to play pool. He lives right on the Rum River with a super great view. Anyway, he has a pool table and a killer stereo with a rocking 80s dance mix so we had a ball. The Go-Gos, Wham!, Wang Chung. It was great! We were dancing and shooting pool. It was a lot of fun and different as we didn't plan it. Then Steve left in a huff and we aren't sure why but he can get that way sometimes. I think it has to do with his groundhog roots. He doesn't get out much. So Nancy came home with us and we three hung out on the couch watching an old Medium episode. She left this morning and we've just been hanging out and doing laundry. Well, actually Tammy is attempting to hang the new blinds above the sink but I can hear frustration coming from the kitchen so I'm staying in here and blogging. Works best for everyone, LOL. One little more bit of touch up and that kitchen is done done done. It 's super great.
The rest of the week was pretty much the same. Homework, running around, you know, the usual. Oh but Friday night we dropped off some stuff for Sarah at her dad's and then went over to Bruce and New Nancy's to see the new TV and flooring they have. We ended up chatting and laughing over there for quite a awhile. Great times.
Oh and this year I am closer than ever to actually seeing all the Oscar nominated movies prior to the Oscars. We watched Inglorious Basterds, District 9, and The Hurt Locker, all in the last week. That brings us to having seen five of the 10. So far for me it's Inglorious Basterds but I think that's becasue I really enjoy The cleverness of Tarantino's stories. District 9 was unusally good though. Interesting. I had a hard time connecting with any of the characters in the Hurt Locker, but I don't do war movies very well. I still like Battleground with Van Johnson as my favorite, so that tells you something about me.
I guess that's about all there is from Sodium Manor this past week. Jake turns 12 on Tuesday so this weekend we have his kid party and family party, so that means I better get cleaning... ahh well. That's what it's all about, NOT the hokey pokey. Take care everybody. I love you all.
-Diane
After such witty reparte we all went over to Ken's to play pool. He lives right on the Rum River with a super great view. Anyway, he has a pool table and a killer stereo with a rocking 80s dance mix so we had a ball. The Go-Gos, Wham!, Wang Chung. It was great! We were dancing and shooting pool. It was a lot of fun and different as we didn't plan it. Then Steve left in a huff and we aren't sure why but he can get that way sometimes. I think it has to do with his groundhog roots. He doesn't get out much. So Nancy came home with us and we three hung out on the couch watching an old Medium episode. She left this morning and we've just been hanging out and doing laundry. Well, actually Tammy is attempting to hang the new blinds above the sink but I can hear frustration coming from the kitchen so I'm staying in here and blogging. Works best for everyone, LOL. One little more bit of touch up and that kitchen is done done done. It 's super great.
The rest of the week was pretty much the same. Homework, running around, you know, the usual. Oh but Friday night we dropped off some stuff for Sarah at her dad's and then went over to Bruce and New Nancy's to see the new TV and flooring they have. We ended up chatting and laughing over there for quite a awhile. Great times.
Oh and this year I am closer than ever to actually seeing all the Oscar nominated movies prior to the Oscars. We watched Inglorious Basterds, District 9, and The Hurt Locker, all in the last week. That brings us to having seen five of the 10. So far for me it's Inglorious Basterds but I think that's becasue I really enjoy The cleverness of Tarantino's stories. District 9 was unusally good though. Interesting. I had a hard time connecting with any of the characters in the Hurt Locker, but I don't do war movies very well. I still like Battleground with Van Johnson as my favorite, so that tells you something about me.
I guess that's about all there is from Sodium Manor this past week. Jake turns 12 on Tuesday so this weekend we have his kid party and family party, so that means I better get cleaning... ahh well. That's what it's all about, NOT the hokey pokey. Take care everybody. I love you all.
-Diane
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Friends, Romans, Canadians, Lent Me Your Ears
Hi there. A friend of mine posted this old softball picture on Facebook and I just had to share. It's 29, yes that is correct, 29 and older than Cathy, years old. I'm in the first row middle if you can't figure it out. Those were the days, my friend.
Well,well welcome to the blog, to the week that will mark the 2010 Olympics from that rogue country, oot and aboot, Canada. Minnesota has lots of people in this year's competition so the coverage will be lively. They are already waving Lindsey Vonn's SI photo all over the place. Puh-Lease. I'd roll my eyes but they might get stuck that way. Could someone tell these athletes, yes this also means you, Danica Patrick, to save the innuendo and scantily clad eye candy. Go Daddy, my foot! It takes away from your sport. Do you think the guys respect you more in the morning? Ok, no preaching today. One of these days I will offer up the preach blog, "Preaches and Gleen" but I'm giving up preaching for lent. Ok I'm lying. No matter how clean I try to get my jeans I always have lent in my pockets.
Now, the Superbowl is over and the super snow keeps coming, and we are hunkered down and waiting for spring, more than I can remember in winters’ past. I just watched an American Experience on PBS last night about the Donner party, snowbound in 1846. So I got that going for me, knowing we have plenty of frozen pizzas and peanut butter, so no human parts will be ingested at Sodium Manor this winter. Well, in an non-sacrificial way that is. I cannot speak to any secret ceremonies that may or may not take place in the dark recesses of the basement. You think we keep all these animals for sheer joy? Ok, enough Dan Brown secrets for now. I have said too much.
Speaking of basements, on Monday Nephew Nick cut the right stairwell wall down at a diagonal slant. It’s like cutting the cheese only bigger and much much louder. He’s not even finished and already the stairway down looks and feels so much better. It no longer feels like you are walking down a leaning elevator shaft, or mine adit (yes, I do love crossword puzzles, why do you ask?) We will finish that off in the next few days or weeks, and add a banister and railing, and it will seem like a whole new descent. The biggest problem I foresee is that for now, because that carpet is so worn and nasty, we force the dogs to trod upon it to get the mud and water off their paws. We send the dogs down those basement stairs as they come in from the garage as a quick fix. Once that carpet is replaced, oh, and it will be replaced, I will have to actually bend over and wipe their paws with a towel. Egads! That’s eight paws. (If they were cats would that make them an octopussy?) Aliens observing from above are taking notes that we as humans should respect. Who actually rules the planet when a human’s job is to follow our dogs around, pick up their poop, feed them, and then wash and dry their feet when they enter the house? Who’s the boss now? Um, yeah.
A big Happy Birthday shout out to Cathy, who celebrated last Saturday, and to my sister-in-law Christy, who will celebrating on Friday, to coincide with the Olympics. Awwwww. Nice. Happy birthday to you both. Oh and a kudos out to Amy who is blogging her grandmother's life through letters. It's pretty great. Give it a shot. www.athendrickson.blogspot.com
OH I could prattle on, and often do, but I think we are done for now. Kids made honor roll. Score! Tammy's well, score! Life is good. Trifecta score! Enjoy your week and I love you all. Fo real!
Diane
Well,well welcome to the blog, to the week that will mark the 2010 Olympics from that rogue country, oot and aboot, Canada. Minnesota has lots of people in this year's competition so the coverage will be lively. They are already waving Lindsey Vonn's SI photo all over the place. Puh-Lease. I'd roll my eyes but they might get stuck that way. Could someone tell these athletes, yes this also means you, Danica Patrick, to save the innuendo and scantily clad eye candy. Go Daddy, my foot! It takes away from your sport. Do you think the guys respect you more in the morning? Ok, no preaching today. One of these days I will offer up the preach blog, "Preaches and Gleen" but I'm giving up preaching for lent. Ok I'm lying. No matter how clean I try to get my jeans I always have lent in my pockets.
Now, the Superbowl is over and the super snow keeps coming, and we are hunkered down and waiting for spring, more than I can remember in winters’ past. I just watched an American Experience on PBS last night about the Donner party, snowbound in 1846. So I got that going for me, knowing we have plenty of frozen pizzas and peanut butter, so no human parts will be ingested at Sodium Manor this winter. Well, in an non-sacrificial way that is. I cannot speak to any secret ceremonies that may or may not take place in the dark recesses of the basement. You think we keep all these animals for sheer joy? Ok, enough Dan Brown secrets for now. I have said too much.
Speaking of basements, on Monday Nephew Nick cut the right stairwell wall down at a diagonal slant. It’s like cutting the cheese only bigger and much much louder. He’s not even finished and already the stairway down looks and feels so much better. It no longer feels like you are walking down a leaning elevator shaft, or mine adit (yes, I do love crossword puzzles, why do you ask?) We will finish that off in the next few days or weeks, and add a banister and railing, and it will seem like a whole new descent. The biggest problem I foresee is that for now, because that carpet is so worn and nasty, we force the dogs to trod upon it to get the mud and water off their paws. We send the dogs down those basement stairs as they come in from the garage as a quick fix. Once that carpet is replaced, oh, and it will be replaced, I will have to actually bend over and wipe their paws with a towel. Egads! That’s eight paws. (If they were cats would that make them an octopussy?) Aliens observing from above are taking notes that we as humans should respect. Who actually rules the planet when a human’s job is to follow our dogs around, pick up their poop, feed them, and then wash and dry their feet when they enter the house? Who’s the boss now? Um, yeah.
A big Happy Birthday shout out to Cathy, who celebrated last Saturday, and to my sister-in-law Christy, who will celebrating on Friday, to coincide with the Olympics. Awwwww. Nice. Happy birthday to you both. Oh and a kudos out to Amy who is blogging her grandmother's life through letters. It's pretty great. Give it a shot. www.athendrickson.blogspot.com
OH I could prattle on, and often do, but I think we are done for now. Kids made honor roll. Score! Tammy's well, score! Life is good. Trifecta score! Enjoy your week and I love you all. Fo real!
Diane
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