There I was, a Sunday afternoon in, "Up Dere" Minnesota, watching Jake's 12U baseball double header. It started out warm and sunny, and within minutes turned into a grey, cold, and uber blustery day. No unoccupied lawn chair was safe from flight and yet the game played on. Now, I'm not sure because there was a lot of sand and leaves flying around, but at one point the ump called a time out and I think I caught a brief glimpse of a pigtailed young girl, in a blue and white checkered jumper, appearing on home plate, frantically clicking her ruby red slippers and yelling something to the sky about this not being Kansas either. When I looked closer though she was gone, replaced by a chubby kid in catcher's gear named Kyler chomping gum. Weird.
Speaking of weird, normally I am the weirdo magnet in this bunch. I think it's because, much to my chagrin, I actually make eye contact with fellow human beings. I know. It's old fashioned etiquette in an age of anonymity and self-importance but old habits die hard. Anyway, during this marathon afternoon of ball, at some point I had to go make water. Tammy said she would go with me, so we tied the chairs down with shoelaces and headed to the concession stand bathrooms. Turns out they had one for women with only one stall. Um, I'm not sure but I'm guessing Frank Lloyd Wright was not involved in this architectural marvel. So in line we stood. Lo and behold a woman approaches, dressed all in brown, looking Sunday sporty in her headband and matching slacks, and she instantly gloms on to Tammy, who's in line behind me by the way, stating loudly, "Leave it to some dumbass man to design a ball park with only one stall for women!" Being the last two in line ahead of her we nodded politely and I turned away. Tammy made the eye contact. HUGE SNAFU. The woman repeats it again just as loudly and I detect an inflection I hadn't noticed before. Hmm....something's off. Then she goes on to talk about her nephew playing and boy isn't she sure glad to be out on a day like this. NOT! It was soon evident she had some challenges. I nodded and turned away, wanting to be polite but not comfortable with her sailor's language near all the children. Save that for the crowd at the bar where Brandy's serving whiskey and wine, or at night when the bars close down and Brandy walks through a silent town, did you know she loves a man who's not around? Wait I digress. At this point I'm next in line and Tammy's gently tease poking me in the back while this woman is droning on and then I hear loudly, "Hey. I really like your barrette." I know Tammy's wearing one across the back of her hair, layering her curls. I stifled a giggle. Then I hear it again preceded with a louder, "Hey! I SAID I like your barrette!" I glanced just in time to see Tammy half turn and mutter, "Thank you," Just then the woman starts petting her head and barrette. Seriously, Tammy got petted. Right about then the door opened and I walked into the restroom and as I turned to close the door, Tammy pushes right through, slams the door and says, "You're not leaving me out there with her!" Of course I was mortified yelling, "Excuse me! I don't even know you ma'am. LADY! What are you DOING in here?" It was pretty funny and Tammy was saved.
So that was Sunday so we didn't get to see the Favre game winner with :02 left on the clock, or the Twins loss to Kansas City, OR the Bears, but they're rarely on here anyway. But we did get to share a stall that actually still had toilet paper, and watch dirt devils form at shortstop and second base. Jake's team won the first and lost the second.
Saturday was Pearl's 71st birthday (Tammy's mom) so we went to the party at Tammy's sister's house in Fridley. She always makes a feast. I'm still full. Some of the kids, including Pearl, went and shagged balls at the baseball field behind the house but my back is all kinked up so I refrained. I always knew I was kinky but I didn't know it would hurt so much. Such is life and ibuprofin is underrated. I may need to visit the chiropractor but I never have liked going to the doctor.
Friday night we dropped the kids off at the St. Francis homecoming game and went up to Billy's pub to watch the Twins and wait for the call for the pick up. Then Tammy gets a text from Sarah. "STREAKER!" We were cracking up and just as Tammy was texting back, don't look, Sarah texted, "OMG! I just saw grossness!" We laughed so hard. St. Francis lost the homecoming game again for the 28th year in a row and the streaker was subdued by the St. Francis police officer, so all was well.
And that, ladies and germs, was my weekend in a nutshell. Take care. Until next time. Love you!
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First I laughed out loud at the flying lawn chairs, and then it just got better. You are so good.
ReplyDeleteI once ended up in the same small section of a revolving door with a colleague because I didn’t want to miss what he was saying. Pushing on him and shuffling behind him, mortified by my split decision faux pas, I didn’t hear a thing he said anyway (if he actually kept talking)!